Although I know I'm hideous, I very rarely get depressed about my size. I don't blame genetics or thyroid imbalance- I know I am 100% responsible for what I've done to myself, the way I've abused myself, even though I don't think I did it deliberately.
Right at this moment, however, I am feeling depressed. We're going on holiday in 8 weeks, and had I carried on the the Cambridge Diet, I might have lost 3 stone by then but that will not be the case now. To be honest at the size I am, a few stone either way probably doesn't look that different, but I really don't want (and can't afford) to buy any more clothes at this size, and there isn't much available even if I did want to.
I've just had a good look through my wardrobe and I have so many clothes,most of them brand new with tags on, the trouble is, nothing fits me.
I have:-
A black skirt that I have worn almost non stop for the last three years. It is truly horrible and if I have the choice, I wouldn't be seen dead in it.
A quite new dark denim skirt
A dark bluey purple jersey skirt which I don't wear out because it's very thin and drapes itself to my body. Also nothing goes with it. However it is the most comfortable skirt ever and I wear it round the house all the time.
A long mid denim skirt in a thin chambray material. This is very long, maybe too long, and has a tear that I've repaired near the zip. Its the only thing suitable for a scorching hot day like today.
That is all that fits me.
Then there's
A brown linen skirt that will hopefully fit me in a stones time
A black linen skirt that is smarter than I would happily wear. It will fit me in a stones time.
A long blue denim skirt that will probably take two stone to squeeze into
Plus lots of other things that will clothe me during my weight loss journey, but that won't fit for my holiday.
As I tried and failed to squash my belly into size 30 clothes I wondered how on earth things got this bad. It wasn't long ago that I was a comfortable 16 and sometimes even a 14.
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